Elul

Shalom,
We are entering the month of Elul when we prepare ourselves for the High Holidays. One of the first ways that we prepare ourselves is that we begin the process of requesting slichot or forgiveness from those around us. Our legal codes teach us that forgiveness stems from repentance. Repentance indicates acknowledging how we contributed to the situation whether it was a fight, a disruption or painful interaction on a personal and community level. We need to understand and ask the question “Did I contribute to the problem? Was I unfair in anything that I said or did? Did I speak unfairly about or to another person such as spreading rumors or critique someone in a tactless or demoralizing manor?” Rabbi Levi Yitzchak of Berditchev would nightly journal to review his action and analyze his role to determine the answers to the above questions
To have this level of self awareness is extremely hard. Yet it is necessary in order to fully repent and also forgive. Perhaps we believe that it is possible to wait in order to repent. Yet Rabbi Eliezer said, ‘Repent one day before your death.’” Which several thought meant we had to repent only once in our lives. But Rabbi Eliezer’s students quickly realized a fact and asked a question“…[does a person] know on what day he [or she] is going to die?” Therefore, his students continued to say “All the more reason, to repent today, lest one die tomorrow. In this manner, one’s whole life will be spent in repentance.”[1]
The rabbis set the bar high for us. The goal is to be self aware, willing to take ownership and lastly willing to repent. Yet repenting is not a one-sided event, ideally there would be a willingness of forgiveness from the other party. Though sometimes, human nature being what it is, we do need our space, and often some time to analyze ourselves and our contribution to the situation. Also perhaps we recognize that we do not want our tempers to boil over and further hurt others around us. Instead, we learn from Rabbi Shimon ben Elazar, who used to say: Do not try to appease your fellow at the height of his anger, nor speak to him words of consolation while his dead lies before him…”[2] Meaning sometimes that in order to forgive patience from both parties is necessary until they are ready to work toward forgiveness and reconciliation. Silence is golden so that we can create a peaceful environment.
As Rambam teaches us though, the ultimate goal is forgiveness and repentance. "It is forbidden to be obdurate and not allow yourself to be appeased. On the contrary, one should be easily pacified and find it difficult to become angry. When asked by an offender for forgiveness, one should forgive with a sincere mind and a willing spirit. . . forgiveness is natural to the seed of Israel."[3] So even if you may not be able to forgive and repent today, please try and do so tomorrow since as Rabbi Eliezer teaches we may not know when our last chance to forgive and repent arrives.
During this season, when we prepare ourselves for the high holidays, may we be able to put aside our hurt feelings, let go of our grudges and recognize how we contributed to the situation in order to forgive each other. May we have the strength and courage to forgive even the oldest of wrongs to ultimately work toward a stronger sense of community.


[1] Babylonian Talmud, Shabbat 153a
[2] Ethics of the Fathers 4:23
[3] Mishneh Torah Teshuvah 2:10